Tuesday, August 20, 2013

And God Said No

On June 6, 2013, I was called to serve an LDS mission.

Canada Vancouver Mission
October 30th
English Speaking

Everyday is a struggle. The feelings of inadequacy are growing stronger and stronger. Will I make it out there? Serving a mission is hard. There's not doubt about it. The thought of such a daunting task scares me to death. As I've started to try to wrap my heart around it, everything feels more complicated; gospel principles, scripture study, even prayer.

Then I got an INSPIRATIONAL letter from a close missionary friend. 

He has been out about 7 months. His companion has aspergers and training has been difficult. In his letter, he shared a poem he heard while in the MTC. 
Here it is:

I asked God to take away my pride
And God said no
He said it was not for Him to take away
But for me to give up,

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole
And God said no
He said his spirit is whole
And his body is only temporary,

I asked God to grant me patience
And God said no
He said patience is a bi-product of tribulation
It isn't granted, it's earned,

I asked God to give me happiness
And God said no
He gives me only blessings
Happiness is up to me,

I asked God to spare me pain
And God said no
He said suffering draws you apart from
worldly cares - and brings you closer to me,

I asked God to make my spirit grow
And God said no
He said I must grow on my own-
He will prune me and help me become fruitful,

I asked God if He loved me
And God said... Yes my child, more than you will ever know
He said He gave me His only son - who died for me,

I asked God to help me love others as much as He loves me -
And God said "Finally, you have the idea!"

And like that... all my fears were wiped away.

Monday, July 22, 2013


I love words.

Spoken. Written. Heard.  One word can have a variety of meanings. Not just dictionary definitions but personal, symbolic meanings. Same goes for a combination of words.

Over the past couple of years I've compiled a list of beautiful words. Some I heard in movies. Some I read in books. Some people have said to me, others I put together myself. Here's my list so far.. 
  • Knitting your soul
  • Drop out factory
  • Cusp of death
  • Liasion (means bridge)
  • Speaks Volumes
  • Inklings
  • Woven into my soul
  • Hugging a hand grenade
  • The young parish and the old linger
  • See others through a door, not a keyhole
  • We are free, but not equal
  • Spoken word
  • Broken is a common quality, healed is unique
  • Break my own heart before you can
  • Riding coattails
  • Something divine about a view and heartache
  • Together we cry
“Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning.” 
- Maya Angelou

I'm also a quote junkie. Whether It's self improvement or church related, I love them all. They are always so applicable. I tend to relate them to a fortune teller. Why? Because fortune tellers always tell you something vague about your future, not really giving you any specific advice. It is YOU that takes the advice and molds it into something that is applicable to your current situation. Same goes for quotes. They are meant for everyone, but it is YOU that finds the inspiration and meaning in them.
My recent find and current favorite: "It is better to have God approve, than to have the world applaud."

Words are beautiful. Use them.

Find more quotes at:   http://pinterest.com/annieholm/quotes/

Friday, March 29, 2013


Prince Charming sounds great and all, but sometimes simple is better.
To clarify though, there are different definitions of what women and men consider to be "simple." 

From my understanding, men enjoy things that take little-to-no effort that have a substantial outcome. They believe that all they have to do is look ambitious, have some-what respectable girls around them, and smile.. but what a lie that is.

I guess I like attention. Not in that I do stupid crap so people will notice me, but the kind that makes you feel good and loved. The kind where a guy will go out of his way to say hi to a girl is my kind of guy.

The point:

I want to be chased.
Chase me outside as I walk away.
Chase me when i'm not thinking about you.
Chase me when you know I don't want you to.
Chase me just because.
Chase me when you know i'm upset.
Chase me cause you wanna know me.
Chase me cause you are crushing on me.
Chase me cause you like me.
Chase me cause you want to love me.
Chase me cause you do love me.
Chase me cause you can't stop loving me.

Because I've already chased you.

So no. I don't want Prince Charming. I just want to be chased and continue the simplicity of the chase.. because being chased is the same as being wanted. Make me feel wanted.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Not This Again

Wrong room.
Your date. Your crush. Your kind of guy.

That tingling in your body when you so badly want to be upset..
but can't because the sympathy of others will only make you feel worse. 
Your heart quivering. 
The way your face goes blank.

You just KNOW.

and it's scary and it sucks and you can't even cry about it.
Don't cry. Don't cry. 
Do. Not. Cry.